Tuesday, March 14, 2006
2. A Short History of England
Just for Pun
England! Only Claudius had the Gaul to Caesar. He channeled his army across from future France, which was no roe versus wade, as the waters were deep and stormy. Claudius created Roman Britain, proof of the Theory of continental Drift, well before we ever needed it. When a Roman placed several torn togas on the counter, the tailor (aka soldier, tinker, and spy), asked: "Euripides?" Yes, replied the customer: "Eumenides?" Centuries later the Romans fled the island, in part because the islanders were not Forum.
What followed were the Dark Ages, so labeled because there were a lot of Knights. A Knight was a Medieval warrior who used a lance-a-lot, Sir. A proper greeting was: "Good Day, Good Knight". A moat point, I admit, but joust for fun, add that to your list, at considerable charge. Angry archers were called cross bowmen. They made their enemies bolt, once they got the point and the shaft.
A javelin thrower during the Renaissance, before hurling it, would shake spear, which was not punny. Sorry, old chap, that was bard. But for Humor Week, we do act out and play with words, so as not to be upstage. An Elizabethan drama with too many actors was like a cloudy day - overcast. Even country nobles debauched in merry London, rather than returning to their estates, and minding their manors.
Trying to raise enough money to rebuild London after the Great Fire, the government and citizens went Baroque. But the brave fire fighters were honored in a new Hall of Flame. Some Thames life was rough, the poor giving each other and the rich the Dickens. London Bridge was falling down, for no rhyme or reason, oh rot!, but latter got its just deserts in far away Arid-zone-a.
When the American colonies rebelled in 1776, by George, we Concord Lexington easily enough with grape. Wine not! But they hid their Revere-where?-we do not know. Our uniforms were bright red and white, and we bought them at Target. The Rebellion was no Tea Party for us either. Even France sided with them, so talk about being over-taxed.
The railroads were the pride of the Industrial Revolution. We boast of them being well trained, on the right track, having close ties, making the grade, railroading everyone for the long haul, spiking passengers' punch, and pouring the smoke over their eyes. Ash and you shall receive, but don't return to cinder. Farmers were either for closure or against it. Successful farmers were men and women outstanding in their field, no doubt garden their crops.
The prison hulk system had its pros and cons. Letters to and from pen pals were common. It was shape up or ship out. And as far away as way out back, we advised Syndey, back even before Mel born. Nelson's flagship was the most incredible hulk of all. His opponent could eat marrow faster than anyone, because he knew how to take a bone apart. But the biggest fear was that the cannon balls would want to get married, or worst yet, have a bee bee aka a BB.
A statue of our bravest African explorer was carved from the living stone, I presume. Of this there was no de-Nile. But a customer in the Cairo market complained that 'e-gypt' me. It was marbelous and not to be taken for granite. The 1960s saw America successfully invaded by our rock group, that maybe got stoned in Boulder, [Colorado]. Music was instrumental in their banding together, I want you to note, because they knew the score. Now was this whole punny mess sharp, or did it fall flat?
[No offense to anyone is intended by any of the above content!]
[This post begun on Tuesday, 14 March 2006, 2:58 PM MST]
England! Only Claudius had the Gaul to Caesar. He channeled his army across from future France, which was no roe versus wade, as the waters were deep and stormy. Claudius created Roman Britain, proof of the Theory of continental Drift, well before we ever needed it. When a Roman placed several torn togas on the counter, the tailor (aka soldier, tinker, and spy), asked: "Euripides?" Yes, replied the customer: "Eumenides?" Centuries later the Romans fled the island, in part because the islanders were not Forum.
What followed were the Dark Ages, so labeled because there were a lot of Knights. A Knight was a Medieval warrior who used a lance-a-lot, Sir. A proper greeting was: "Good Day, Good Knight". A moat point, I admit, but joust for fun, add that to your list, at considerable charge. Angry archers were called cross bowmen. They made their enemies bolt, once they got the point and the shaft.
A javelin thrower during the Renaissance, before hurling it, would shake spear, which was not punny. Sorry, old chap, that was bard. But for Humor Week, we do act out and play with words, so as not to be upstage. An Elizabethan drama with too many actors was like a cloudy day - overcast. Even country nobles debauched in merry London, rather than returning to their estates, and minding their manors.
Trying to raise enough money to rebuild London after the Great Fire, the government and citizens went Baroque. But the brave fire fighters were honored in a new Hall of Flame. Some Thames life was rough, the poor giving each other and the rich the Dickens. London Bridge was falling down, for no rhyme or reason, oh rot!, but latter got its just deserts in far away Arid-zone-a.
When the American colonies rebelled in 1776, by George, we Concord Lexington easily enough with grape. Wine not! But they hid their Revere-where?-we do not know. Our uniforms were bright red and white, and we bought them at Target. The Rebellion was no Tea Party for us either. Even France sided with them, so talk about being over-taxed.
The railroads were the pride of the Industrial Revolution. We boast of them being well trained, on the right track, having close ties, making the grade, railroading everyone for the long haul, spiking passengers' punch, and pouring the smoke over their eyes. Ash and you shall receive, but don't return to cinder. Farmers were either for closure or against it. Successful farmers were men and women outstanding in their field, no doubt garden their crops.
The prison hulk system had its pros and cons. Letters to and from pen pals were common. It was shape up or ship out. And as far away as way out back, we advised Syndey, back even before Mel born. Nelson's flagship was the most incredible hulk of all. His opponent could eat marrow faster than anyone, because he knew how to take a bone apart. But the biggest fear was that the cannon balls would want to get married, or worst yet, have a bee bee aka a BB.
A statue of our bravest African explorer was carved from the living stone, I presume. Of this there was no de-Nile. But a customer in the Cairo market complained that 'e-gypt' me. It was marbelous and not to be taken for granite. The 1960s saw America successfully invaded by our rock group, that maybe got stoned in Boulder, [Colorado]. Music was instrumental in their banding together, I want you to note, because they knew the score. Now was this whole punny mess sharp, or did it fall flat?
[No offense to anyone is intended by any of the above content!]
[This post begun on Tuesday, 14 March 2006, 2:58 PM MST]
